I really should blog more

This weekend I went to an amazing gig and for the first time I felt somewhat confident and comfortable in a crowd
One of the bands was Aussie band Stealing O'neal, who are my all time most favourite group of boys ever
I've seen them over 30 times now but have never really had the guts to approach them for a chat just because I feel so insecure (and because they are damn good looking =P)
This might sound lame but my ultimate goal is to one day feel confident enough to just randomly start talking to them at a gig
The next show of theirs is on the 2nd January...not long now but I am super determined to lose a bit more weight until then
I'll keep you updated =P

Oh and just on the band front...
This fill is great. I haven't gotten stuck and I'm eating alot less and less frequently
I think I might stick with this level of restriction until after Xmas and see how I go
Yesterday I decided to go through all my boxes of clothes which I've stored skinny clothes and all my fat clothes
These were my work pants which I wore around the time of surgery...

All back to normal :)

I'm still taking it easy but I've definitely felt some restriction today
I think alot has to do with me expecting restriction because I just haven't thought about food as much today
Here's hoping I get back on track quickly!

Hallelujah for a fill!

Just got back from a good fill
Fingers crossed this one is perfect
Since my unfill I have been out of control
I still lost a little bit of weight but not as much as I would have liked
My fill Dr is amazing by the way
She gets the needle in and out so quickly I don't feel a thing
At my unfill I got 1cc taken out and it made a huge difference
Today she put in .5cc so I should be able to feel some good restriction

Excited! Hopeful!

Personal reminder of how far I've come

I keep looking at photos and thinking wow I've come such a long way and it's only been three months
I have six more months to go until I leave for Europe and I'm confident that I can look alot better than I do now

I need a big glass of motivation

Yep, one exactly like this one
I wish we could just drink a potion or take a pill that would motivate us to help ourselves
Seriously I feel so stupid
I feel like I'm sabotaging myself from losing weight and being happy
I have 23 weeks until I get to Europe and I need to lose a heap more weight before I can feel comfortable at the beach or in Summer clothes
If I lose 1/2 a kilo per week I can get down to around 91kg (200lbs)...that is still way too high for someone my height
If I lose 1 kilo per week I can get down to the 80kg mark (180lbs)
I cannot wait to have this fill
I've found that once I start getting regular fills I have been really motivated and determined to lose a whole heap of weight before I go see the doctor again
1 more week until my fill...I'm staying strong (I guess :P)

Oh how I've missed you

First of all, I'm sorry for not posting this week
I honestly didn't know what to write
I am eating horribly and not exercising...I'm just not motivated
I did lose half a kilo this week, surprisingly though because I have been out of control

The only good news I have is that I have booked and paid for my European adventure!
At the moment I have a 6 month ticket!
I am so excited, but I won't be leaving until 1st May 2011 so I still have a while to go
You would think that I would be working hard to lose weight now because of this, but no, I am the laziest person ever =(
I need restriction
I can eat anything and everything and I just don't have any self control

Other than that I really have no other news
I've still been reading all your blogs though!

From one extreme to the other...

Man have I been eating too much since my unfill
I kept blaming it on my period, but now it's just stupidity
when I was too tight, I knew when to stop because I would get that unbearable pain in my chest
now I feel like I can eat and eat and eat until I go blue in the face
And I'm eating alot of junk
I really hate this lack of control
I know that being too tight was very unhealthy and was a horrible experience
but I'm desperate for another fill

I hate Fred

Weird title huh?
Well when my friends and I were first getting our period, we nicknamed it Fred and he was a real pain in the ass and still is!
I just had to get "Fred" the day after my unfill
So on top of the lack of restriction I now have, I also have horrible cravings
I've been trying to eat well, but since being so sick this past weekend I think all my fat cells sucked up every calorie I ate!
I expected to gain a little because of my unfill but I didn't expect more of a gain because of my period
So unfortunately I have gained 2kg since being sick and too tight
But I expected it so I don't feel too guilty, I still lost 1.1kg since last week
Ahh I was so close to being under 100kg!

*EDIT* Preparing for a gain, but excited for an unfill

I just got off the phone with the Dr's office and I am going in for an unfill in about 2hrs
I have a nasty habit of jumping on the scales every morning and I was shocked to find that because of this tight band I have lost about 4kgs (8.8lbs) since Thursday...that's about a kilogram a day!
I feel horrible and faint and dehydrated
This experience really makes me appreciate the goodness of healthy food and water
I'm ready to use my willpower and I'm not afraid of less restriction and hunger pains
I think I can do it for a while
I'll let you know how I go :)

EDIT:
I got my unfill. She took out 1cc
Thank God!
The Dr kept saying it was because I was stuck, but I know that it was because I was tight
Anyways, I feel so so so so much better now!
I was so dehydrated I had a whole bottle of water and I felt great, no problems at all
Now let's see how bad this bandster hell can get before my next fill!