Sunday, October 31, 2010

Begging for an unfill

I have had enough of constantly having discomfort in my chest and back
Today for lunch I had about 4 pieces of penne and some bolognese sauce
I made sure I cut up the pieces really tiny and chewed really well
Everything was fine, then I decided to go to Ikea with my parents
The drive was about an hour long
About half way there, I was so uncomfortable I had to get dad to stop the car while I scrambled to find the nearest bathroom to vomit
It came back up and I was fine
A couple of hours later I was really thirsty so I had a sip of water, 10 mins later and I was rushing back to the bathroom

If this doesn't mean I'm too tight then I have no other explanation
I just want to eat
I'm not hungry, but I need food just to feel normal
I'm calling up first thing in the morning to get an unfill. I'm not sure that the protocol is but they better be able to fit me in because I don't think I can last another day

Has this happened to anyone?
It really is driving me insane

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Do I need an unfill?

I think I really do
I've been losing weight so rapidly, but I haven't been exercising
Although I like losing the weight, I don't like the fear of getting stuck whenever I eat
It's 10.46am, I had half a glass of milk at 9.30am (couldn't get it all down) and I just had about 3teaspoons of baked beans and I'm getting that stuck feeling in my back
I just can't get myself to ask for an unfill
I went to the doctors yesterday and I was stupid enough to let her give me another slight fill when I knew I didn't really need it
I think I may call the doctor on monday and get .5cc taken out to see how I feel

Friday, October 29, 2010

I don't know if I can keep this up

I love that I'm losing weight, but I miss food
My friends invited me out to lunch today
I haven't really eaten out since surgery so I was a bit scared
She suggested Nandos. Not my fave choice but they wanted it so I went along
I was weighing up between the chips or the coleslaw
I expected the coleslaw to be like the KFC one...mushy!
But no, it was stringy and chunky and I only had about two bites and gave up
I feel miserable, not because I got a bit stuck but because I can't enjoy going out with my friends anymore
I'm too scared I'll get stuck and have an embarrassing moment in public
I don't know how I'm going to keep this up for the rest of my life

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I handed in the finished product of my thesis yesterday
and it felt darn good to know that four years of hard work is finally over
I don't get my results until November 11 but I'm pretty sure I at least passed and can now graduate

I just don't know what to do with myself now!
I've asked for more hours at work, and you would think with 2 jobs I'm bound to have a shift everyday, but that's not the case. I'm begging them for shifts but it might take a fortnight for the bosses to organise new rosters

The last few days have been gorgeous and sunny
So I've been spending most of my days outside reading
but that gets boring after a while
My exercise regime is non-existent at the moment
I just don't have the motivation
I think I need someone to push me around and bully me into exercising
I really would love a personal trainer, but I can't afford it right now

I'm still losing weight pretty consistently
I'm proud to say that I haven't had a stuck episode in a while...I'm being extra careful
Tomorrow I'm getting another fill because I can feel the band loosening
I won't get much though, probably .5cc

I'm feeling so lonely though
I have never had a bf
and all my friends are still at school or are too busy to hang out
Whenever I'm at home, my family are at work
so it's getting pretty lonely in here and it's depressing not having anyone to just hang out with

Wish some of you girls lived closer!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Officially 20kg down (44lb)

Cannot believe how quickly I've lost it
It's been 10 weeks since surgery and I lost 10kg with Optifast so I've averaged out a kilo (2.2lb) lost a week since surgery
I'm so glad it's been working
But I know I still have a lot more to go, and I don't expect the next 20kg to come of as quickly
I went shopping with my sister yesterday and it was a really horrible reality check
Although I've lost a lot, I still feel uncomfortable in public and still can't fit into alot of clothes
Arrgghh I'm more determined as ever to keep going with this =D

Just a reminder...

Pre Surgery July 2010 & October 2010 (please ignore the face haha)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I finished my thesis!!

Pheww that was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!
I'm pretty happy with it
My supervisors emailed me and asked if I wanted to to recommend me for a PhD scholarship
I was so shocked, I didn't think I was doing that well this year but obviously I was wrong
So now I have no more university or schooling until I decide to go back!!

Also, last night I went to watch Eat,Pray,Love
I thought it was amazing
I wish I had the time and money to go escape like that
It just made me that more excited about my European trip next year!

Band related news now...
This fill has been bitter sweet
I've lost about a kilo so far so I'm happy with that
But I've been getting stuck alot
Today I couldn't even eat lunch because nothing would go down
I don't want to get unfilled but I don't think I'll get a fill for a while
I'll see how it goes

I also went to my hairdresser today
She's a family friend and I haven't seen her since a few weeks before surgey
She was so amazed at how good I look in such a short time!
It made me feel so good =D

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Oh the joys of PBing

okay so lately I have been PBing after just about everything I eat,
to the point that I'm too scared to eat certain foods
it's gross, and I am petrified at the thought of eating out
I guess I'm still getting used to portions and I feel like I've been eating next to nothing
oh, and I don't get that "warning signal" that you are supposed to get that lets you know when to stop eating
I feel as though when I eat just one bite too much it just comes straight up
I don't think I'm too tight though, I mean I can still eat, just sometimes it won't go down
I'm scheduled in for another fill on the 27th and right now I'm considering not even getting it depending on how much I lose until then

But did this happen to anyone in their first couple of months?
I'm hoping it's just a matter of trial and error and eventually I'll learn when to stop eating!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Buying clothes...

Last night I went to yet another gig (I go to a local gig at least once a fortnight)
Anyways, it was my fave aussie band Stealing O'neal
You should really check them out! They are so catchy
So I've seen them over 30 times now haha
but I've never been able to buy any merchandise because their sizes were all too small
Yesterday I said stuff it, I'm going to buy something even if it doesn't fit me yet
Instead of a large, I bought a medium

I've been doing that quite alot lately
I keep buying clothes that are too small just so I can say "well I'll fit into it soon"

I don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing
It's a good thing because when I do fit into them it will be an amazing feeling
but it's a bad thing because what if I stop losing and can never fit into them?!

What have you guys been doing?
I have boxes and boxes of old clothes that I used to be able to fit into but are still too small and I can't part with them!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

No more stress!!

I had my final ever exam this morning
Not sure how I went on it, I knew my stuff but it was just a matter of getting it all on the paper in the two hour time limit
Just so glad that I have nearly completed my degree!
All I have now is my thesis and then I'm all done

I went to the concert last night and it was AMAZING!
I'm not sure if I mentioned who the band was, but we went to see Paramore
I love them so much, but sometimes I feel embarrassed to admit it only because alot of their new fans are young, immature, annoying little girls who I cannot stand!
Well my sister and I have followed them from the beginning, about 5 or 6 years
We've seen them five times now, but we have never had the chance to meet them
My sister admires the lead singer Hayley Williams (you might now her from her most recent duo with BOB on the song airplanes)
She was so dedicated that she went to wait at the airport for six hours yesterday and met the band!
So jealous because I was stuck at home studying!

But the show was excellent, their best one yet
The venue was pretty dodgy though (it was outside undercover)
We had really great seats though, so close!
I have been to heaps and heaps of gigs and concerts, and this was definitely the best one yet!

On the band front, I am completely motivated this week to work hard and lose some weight
I seem to have restriction and haven't really had any cravings at all today
Let's hope I lose at least a kilogram this week!

Here are some photos from the show:

This is my sister with Hayley Williams:
(she could only meet her briefly because their flight was already delayed and they had to rush to the venue, but she was sweet enough to stop for a quick photo. She also didn't have makeup on and decided to hide =P)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

3rd fill

just got home from my 3rd fill

I was in the waiting room sobbing because I was watching the Chilean miners being rescued! haha

I was pleasantly surprised when she said I had lost 2kg since I saw her last (3 weeks ago)
I seriously thought that I had put on a hundred kgs! haha

My fill dr is amazing! I love going to visit and I know she always has my best interests at heart.
She was going to put 1cc in, and she said if it's too tight I can go back in tomorrow. Well that's when I told her I have my exam tomorrow morning and she got a bit worried because she didn't want me to be too tight that I couldn't eat or drink in the morning.

So she gave me 0.6cc, but I guess if I felt restriction straight away with my last fill then this should help abit
I'm going again in 2 weeks so she said she could give me a good fill then if this one doesn't work

Fingers crossed this helps!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

ARGHH $&^$%#^#

I'm just on here to complain and vent

I am completely stressing out right now and it is not helping my eating habits

I have my final exam on Thursday at 9am
They don't tell you the exact date of the exam until about 2 weeks before
So at the start of this year I bought some concert tickets, thinking that the exam would be before the concert date
Well guess what, the concert is the night before the exam!
So that's making me stress even more because I can't even enjoy myself

I've been studying like crazy
and also trying to finish my thesis, which is not going very well because my supervisors are no help at all

I'm at my whits end
I'm eating crap constantly and keep getting stuck because of stupidity

I seriously have had enough of everything!
I know I don't have long to go
but I hate the fact that I'm sabotaging everything

Tomorrow I get my third fill
and I am going to beg the Dr to fill me up to the brim

ARGH! told you I was going to complain!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Can't stop eating =(

I feel like such a failure
I was doing so well...and then I hit bandster hell again
This is killer
I am constantly eating, and old habits are coming back very quickly
The scale batteries died today (go figure!) but I can feel that I have gained some weight
I think the stress of finishing school and studying for exams is really stuffing up everything
I think because of TTOM I'm feeling really bloated and disgusting
If I keep going on like this...I'll probably gain back all my weight and it's a horrible thought
Cannot wait until Wednesday when I get my fill
The first week after my last fill was so great because I could really feel restriction
But now all that restriction has gone and I've undone all my hard work =(

Arrgghh sorry, just needed to vent!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

New Wii Game!

Okay, so after that gain I thought I should really think about my activity levels
At the moment I've still basically living a sedentary lifestyle...
and my excuse is uni!
I'm always at school at a desk studying
But everyone's excuse is that they don't have time
and that's how I got this heavy in the first place!

So now that uni is over, for the first time in 21 years I can actually dedicate my life to getting fit
I have never had a proper break from school
So now that my degree is coming to an end, I really have no excuse

I also know that if I don't shape up now, I am going to look like a beached whale when I go to Europe next year!

Therefore...I ran out to Target to look at what wii games they have
I already have wii fit and wii sports, and I like them...but I find that they are just too slow for me

I need some good, fast cardio but I also want to have fun

I came across this:

I am pretty uncoordinated, but I love to dance
and I also like boxing, so it is perfect!

I played around with it for half an hour and I am stuffed!
I'm actually sweating and my heart rate was up (they even stop mid way to check your heart rate!)

My goal is to do a session every night
I know it isn't as good as walking, but right now I can squeeze in 10 minute sessions between study and at least I know I'm doing something

Gain =(

aarrgghh I was expecting this but I really wish I hadn't

It's the end of TTOTM and I do feel bloated

but it didn't help that I ate just about everything in sight this week

I am so desperate for another fill

and I know it's a lame excuse but I have been so stressed because of exams next week and my thesis being due so I haven't exercised and eating well was really at the bottom of my priorities

I am really looking forward to November because I will finally be done with school and I am joining the gym!!

Oh was only a small gain of 200grams (0.44lbs) but it's still in the wrong direction!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Do you know what grinds my gears?

People who deliberately try to rain on your parade!

First of all, sorry about the constant posting. I'm fairly addicted to the internet and I had an assignment due so I was procrastinating all morning and putting it off :P

But I really just need to vent, and I'm sure you guys will understand why once you read what happened to me today

Well as some of you might know, I work at a medical clinic and the doctors are all so sweet and are constantly telling me how proud they are of me. I enjoy working at the clinic however there is alot of bitchiness between the receptionists and some of them really frustrate me.

Last week there was a new receptionist who I found out had lap band and she was such a great help. So I go in to work today and for some reason she was unable to work so there was another lady there.

I really can't stand working with this particular receptionist. She is snobby and bitchy and lazy. She is constantly on the phone, never doing work, while I'm running around answering calls and attending to patients.

So today she brought up the fact that her house cleaner had lap band done a few months ago (yes, she likes to boast about how rich she is by raving about her "help"!). She would not shut up about how her cleaner had the band only a few months ago and apparently she has lost over 30kg. Okay, so I didn't know this person so I couldn't judge, but the story seemed a bit over the top to me. She kept going on about how amazing she looks and it started to irritate me because it was like she was saying to me "well compared to her, you really haven't done that well".

Then she started going on about how her cleaner barely eats anything, and she is constantly vomiting up her food!! According to my doctor, and most people I've spoken to, having to vomit up food is a sign of an overfill. I told the receptionist that her cleaner should really watch out because it was unhealthy to vomit and lose so much so quickly. But no, she didn't seem to think there was a problem, all she cared about was how fantastic this woman looked.

It really frustrated me! Especially when I told her how much I had lost and she was like "Oh that's alot, but this woman looks fantastic, you should see her!" Seriously, I don't know what you guys think, but I took that as a very rude remark and although it didn't hurt me (I don't really care what she thinks) it did annoy me a little because this woman has no idea how hard I've been working.

Aaarrgghhh some people can be so rude! I really was trying to bite my tongue to avoid any arguments!!

Attention Bloggers

Please take a look at Sue's post about changing your blog settings!

I really want to follow everyone but people either need to leave me a comment or change their settings in order for me to find their blog links!

It's not too difficult, Sue did a great job of making it as simple as possible!

I want to follow you all...

but for some reason when I click on your little follower avatars it won't link me yo your blogs!

If I'm not following you then let me know!

Oh and if you guys have facebook then add me =)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Oh and let's welcome a newbie!

Everyone should go over and welcome Liz =)

She's a gorgeous 20 year old Aussie who I can totally relate with

She was only banded recently so I'm sure she would love some support!

Now I understand why...

the doctors tell us not to drink so close to having finished eating!

I have broken so may band rules today =(

This morning I had some crackers for snack and immediately had a sip of mum's bright purple berry juice. BAD IDEA!
I started coughing and the purple liquid came back up again...through my nose!
It was disgusting!
My nose kept running purple for about 15 minutes

That is why I will never drink after I eat!

Oh and I got stuck again today and it also came back up again
It's taking so long for me to learn what and when I can eat and it's making me so scared to go eat in public

Oh well...we can't all be perfect bandsters =P

Friday, October 1, 2010

Revamped Blog

Check it out!

I really should have been studying...but this seemed a lot more interesting

The tabs on the right hand side are clickable!

Tell me what you think!

Feeling good!

Just went for a really good walk with my sister

we live in a suburban area...but the street next to ours is amazing because it's like walking in the country

it's a gravel road and so many trees around and so peaceful!

My sister came with me and we lasted 30 mins

Really hope I can keep up the motivation to do it everyday

Need to get back on track!

I have completely lost the plot
I've been grazing constantly and having junk
The cravings for chips and bread have disappeared
But now I've replaced it with cheese and crackers even when I'm not particularly hungry
I'm still losing...but not as quickly as I would like
I think the restriction has worn off because I never really feel full anymore

Going insane right now!