Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Searching for inspiration

Lately I've been watching alot of The Biggest Loser re-runs to get motivated
It's made me feel a little guilty about the fact that I have barely done any exercise and am still managing to lose weight
But I know I can't keep it up much longer
Seeing how hard the contestants work is making me realise how important exercise is
I seriously need someone to scare me, provoke me, push me to work hard
I think I need my own Jillian Michaels!
Sure I can jump on a treadmill, but I'll be walking at a very moderate pace for a much shorter time than I should be doing

How do you guys get motivated to move?
Who motivates you to work hard?

Oh an on a side note...
Have any of you turned slightly vegetarian since getting banded?
The thought of chicken or meat sickens me
I haven't had good experiences with chicken or red meat since banding
They are the kinds of foods that get me stuck no matter how small of a bite or how well I chew

What are you experiences?
Does it get easier to eat these foods again?

Monday, December 27, 2010


I bought a dress today
Haven't worn one since my 18th birthday
Such a good feeling :)
I don't think I've lost any weight this week
I didn't eat too much for Christmas but when I did eat, I ate alot of chocolate

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Weigh In :)

1.5kg down (3.3lb)
So happy with that
This week I've had a lot more restriction than normal, even without getting a fill
And I've been exercising a bit more

This now puts me down to 98.6kg (216.9lb)
I haven't been under 100kg in years
Such a good feeling :)
My total loss so far is 26.9kg (59.18lbs)

Life is excellent
I'm crushing on someone I work with but he's about 8 years older than me so it's just childish and probably won't go anywhere but it definitely makes me look forward to going to work :P

There are three events that I'm really looking forward to in the coming year

1. My 22nd birthday (31st Jan 2011) 21st was horrible. I was too insecure to party and I remember feeling so ugly and fat. My 22nd is going to make up for all the horrible birthdays I've had. 39days until my birthday...about 5.5weeks. Hoping to get down to about 95kg by then. Seems possible, only 3.6kg to go :)

2. Soundwave music festival(4th March 2011)...every year my sister and I go to this all day music fest called Soundwave. Last year we went to the Melbourne Show and Sydney Show and by the end of it I was exhausted. Next year I don't want to have to take time outs because my legs were too tired. It's in 71 days...about 10 weeks. My goal is go get to around 90kg by then. 8.6kg to go.

3. Europe! (1st May 2011)...oh my lord it will be amazing. Especially because I won't be lugging around so much weight! In 129 days I will be sitting comfortably in my seat ready to take off. The heat will not bother me that much because I will be thinner and I will be able to keep up with everyone on the tour. In 129 days...about 18 weeks I'm hoping to be around the 85kg mark. 13.6kg to go :)

This is also so exciting!
I am so motivated to keep losing to meet my goals
2011 will be amazing!! =)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Not a fun visit to the Dr's

So after our work meeting today I decided to stick around and get one of the doctors to print me out a referral for a routine blood test
I hadn't taken blood since July before the surgery so I was hoping everything would be normal or even better than before I had lost weight
I'm going in for the test tomorrow morning
But while he was at it he decided to check my blood pressure
Apparently it's high =S
The nurse double checked it and it was also high for her
Dammit I thought losing weight would make me healthier!
I've never had a problem with it before, even when I was nearing 130kg
The nurse will check it again tomorrow morning but I'm trying not to stress

Friday, December 17, 2010

The scale is deceiving me

Hopped on the scale this morning to quite a nice surprise
I jumped on three different times in three different parts of the bathroom and it said the same weight everytime...

99.5kg! (218.9lb)

That's under 100kg and I haven't been this weight for years
It has definitely motivated me to eat better this week, I really want to get to 95kg before my birthday next month

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Only 100 gram loss =(

That's 0.22lbs
So disappointed
I know that I haven't been eating too well but I still thought I would have lost at least half a kilo
I called in to get a fill but they are closed until FEBRUARY!
I can't wait that long to get a fill


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hello, Hi!

I'm still alive!
Sorry I've been a horrible blogger
Just don't have too much to write about
I haven't been eating that well and I've hit a plateau
I'm waiting until after Christmas to go for a fill so I can start 2011 fresh and more determined as ever to prepare for Europe!
I have been taking lots and lots of photos though
I like going through my old clothes and seeing how they fit compared to pre-op

Here is an example:

June 2009

December 2010

I can actually wear the top how it was intended to be a dress!
However, my legs are still a bit too chunky to wear it without jeans/leggings

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Ahh so close to double digits!

Official weigh in today was 100.2kg
Total loss of 25.3kg (55.66lbs)
Half way to my goal of 50kg lost!
It's pretty exciting

I'm actually learning to love my body
it has a really nice shape at the moment and I can see where I have lost fat
My legs however are still as stumpy as they've always been
It looks horrible being 5ft tall and having really short and chunky legs!
I cancelled my fill today which I don't regret one bit
My work Christmas party is tomorrow and it's at a Mexican restaurant so I'm not sure how many good food options I will have to choose from

My food choices are not so great at the moment
I barely eat anything all day
I just don't know what I can eat for main meals
I try to eat the same food as the family but sometimes it's just hard
I've been having alot of problems with chicken lately
I can only eat it if it is really moist and covered in sauce (most of the time the sauce/gravy is high in calories so I try not to eat chicken too much)
Everytime I try chicken it just gets stuck

All I had to eat today was 2 optifast shakes and a few dry crackers
I hate cooking and I just can't be bothered
If anyone has some really simple recipes that they recommend then please send them my way!

I have about 20 weeks until I go overseas so I'm hoping I can lose at least another 15kg (30lbs) before I leave. Sounds doable but we'll see

Monday, December 6, 2010

Big Weekend + Photos =D

Wow this weekend was a huge one
Two family parties in one weekend was exhausting
It was amazing to see everyone though
My cousin's wedding on Saturday was beautiful. It was outside in their yard, which was decorated beautifully with tea light candles and lanterns. This was their second wedding ceremony because they had previously gone to Thailand to get married but it wasn't technically legal when they came home. Such a simple ceremony but it was beautiful. Short and Sweet

My cousin's engagement on Sunday was tiring
Huge party, too many people, too much fuss
It was nice seeing the family though

One thing that I hate about big parties is that they were catered and it wasn't self serve. The caterers were there to serve the food, which drove me crazy!
They had so much food but I didn't want to risk getting stuck so I ate very little which I think drove the caterers mad because the lady was actually rude enough to say "Well you waited in line and that's all you're going to eat?" Ahhh why should they care?! I hate having to explain that I physically can't eat too much food at one time grrrrrrr

On the band front, I don't think I will go in for my fill on Wednesday
Last week I lost 800grams (1.76lbs) which I think is pretty decent
I don't want to lose too much too quickly and I haven't been getting stuck which is great
I might wait until the new year before I go back for an adjustment

Anyways here are some photos from my weekend :)

That's my younger sister and my dad. I'm such a daddy's girl

This is our cousin's daughter Shanice. She is amazing. 8 years old and so smart!

This is our cousin's daughter Brianna. Such a gorgeous girl

This is the gorgeous top I bought from Target. It's so girly, Love it! Hate my flabby arms though. I still insist on wearing a cardigan on a hot day.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Four Month Bandiversary!

Cannot believe that it has already been 16 weeks since Surgery
It feels like yesterday I was just waking up in recovery
Getting the surgery was the best decision I've ever made and I do not and will not ever regret going through it
I'm seeing my extended family on the weekend, for the first time since April this year and I'm hoping they'll notice the change

Here are some stats:

Starting Weight 16/7/2010 = 125.5kg (276.1lb)
Current Weight 02/11/2010 = 101.2kg (222.64lb)

TOTAL LOST - 24.3kg (53.46lb)

Measurements (cms):

July 2010 and November 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I really should blog more

This weekend I went to an amazing gig and for the first time I felt somewhat confident and comfortable in a crowd
One of the bands was Aussie band Stealing O'neal, who are my all time most favourite group of boys ever
I've seen them over 30 times now but have never really had the guts to approach them for a chat just because I feel so insecure (and because they are damn good looking =P)
This might sound lame but my ultimate goal is to one day feel confident enough to just randomly start talking to them at a gig
The next show of theirs is on the 2nd January...not long now but I am super determined to lose a bit more weight until then
I'll keep you updated =P

Oh and just on the band front...
This fill is great. I haven't gotten stuck and I'm eating alot less and less frequently
I think I might stick with this level of restriction until after Xmas and see how I go
Yesterday I decided to go through all my boxes of clothes which I've stored skinny clothes and all my fat clothes
These were my work pants which I wore around the time of surgery...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

All back to normal :)

I'm still taking it easy but I've definitely felt some restriction today
I think alot has to do with me expecting restriction because I just haven't thought about food as much today
Here's hoping I get back on track quickly!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hallelujah for a fill!

Just got back from a good fill
Fingers crossed this one is perfect
Since my unfill I have been out of control
I still lost a little bit of weight but not as much as I would have liked
My fill Dr is amazing by the way
She gets the needle in and out so quickly I don't feel a thing
At my unfill I got 1cc taken out and it made a huge difference
Today she put in .5cc so I should be able to feel some good restriction

Excited! Hopeful!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Personal reminder of how far I've come

I keep looking at photos and thinking wow I've come such a long way and it's only been three months
I have six more months to go until I leave for Europe and I'm confident that I can look alot better than I do now

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I need a big glass of motivation

Yep, one exactly like this one
I wish we could just drink a potion or take a pill that would motivate us to help ourselves
Seriously I feel so stupid
I feel like I'm sabotaging myself from losing weight and being happy
I have 23 weeks until I get to Europe and I need to lose a heap more weight before I can feel comfortable at the beach or in Summer clothes
If I lose 1/2 a kilo per week I can get down to around 91kg (200lbs)...that is still way too high for someone my height
If I lose 1 kilo per week I can get down to the 80kg mark (180lbs)
I cannot wait to have this fill
I've found that once I start getting regular fills I have been really motivated and determined to lose a whole heap of weight before I go see the doctor again
1 more week until my fill...I'm staying strong (I guess :P)

Friday, November 12, 2010

Oh how I've missed you

First of all, I'm sorry for not posting this week
I honestly didn't know what to write
I am eating horribly and not exercising...I'm just not motivated
I did lose half a kilo this week, surprisingly though because I have been out of control

The only good news I have is that I have booked and paid for my European adventure!
At the moment I have a 6 month ticket!
I am so excited, but I won't be leaving until 1st May 2011 so I still have a while to go
You would think that I would be working hard to lose weight now because of this, but no, I am the laziest person ever =(
I need restriction
I can eat anything and everything and I just don't have any self control

Other than that I really have no other news
I've still been reading all your blogs though!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

From one extreme to the other...

Man have I been eating too much since my unfill
I kept blaming it on my period, but now it's just stupidity
when I was too tight, I knew when to stop because I would get that unbearable pain in my chest
now I feel like I can eat and eat and eat until I go blue in the face
And I'm eating alot of junk
I really hate this lack of control
I know that being too tight was very unhealthy and was a horrible experience
but I'm desperate for another fill

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I hate Fred

Weird title huh?
Well when my friends and I were first getting our period, we nicknamed it Fred and he was a real pain in the ass and still is!
I just had to get "Fred" the day after my unfill
So on top of the lack of restriction I now have, I also have horrible cravings
I've been trying to eat well, but since being so sick this past weekend I think all my fat cells sucked up every calorie I ate!
I expected to gain a little because of my unfill but I didn't expect more of a gain because of my period
So unfortunately I have gained 2kg since being sick and too tight
But I expected it so I don't feel too guilty, I still lost 1.1kg since last week
Ahh I was so close to being under 100kg!

Monday, November 1, 2010

*EDIT* Preparing for a gain, but excited for an unfill

I just got off the phone with the Dr's office and I am going in for an unfill in about 2hrs
I have a nasty habit of jumping on the scales every morning and I was shocked to find that because of this tight band I have lost about 4kgs (8.8lbs) since Thursday...that's about a kilogram a day!
I feel horrible and faint and dehydrated
This experience really makes me appreciate the goodness of healthy food and water
I'm ready to use my willpower and I'm not afraid of less restriction and hunger pains
I think I can do it for a while
I'll let you know how I go :)

I got my unfill. She took out 1cc
Thank God!
The Dr kept saying it was because I was stuck, but I know that it was because I was tight
Anyways, I feel so so so so much better now!
I was so dehydrated I had a whole bottle of water and I felt great, no problems at all
Now let's see how bad this bandster hell can get before my next fill!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Begging for an unfill

I have had enough of constantly having discomfort in my chest and back
Today for lunch I had about 4 pieces of penne and some bolognese sauce
I made sure I cut up the pieces really tiny and chewed really well
Everything was fine, then I decided to go to Ikea with my parents
The drive was about an hour long
About half way there, I was so uncomfortable I had to get dad to stop the car while I scrambled to find the nearest bathroom to vomit
It came back up and I was fine
A couple of hours later I was really thirsty so I had a sip of water, 10 mins later and I was rushing back to the bathroom

If this doesn't mean I'm too tight then I have no other explanation
I just want to eat
I'm not hungry, but I need food just to feel normal
I'm calling up first thing in the morning to get an unfill. I'm not sure that the protocol is but they better be able to fit me in because I don't think I can last another day

Has this happened to anyone?
It really is driving me insane

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Do I need an unfill?

I think I really do
I've been losing weight so rapidly, but I haven't been exercising
Although I like losing the weight, I don't like the fear of getting stuck whenever I eat
It's 10.46am, I had half a glass of milk at 9.30am (couldn't get it all down) and I just had about 3teaspoons of baked beans and I'm getting that stuck feeling in my back
I just can't get myself to ask for an unfill
I went to the doctors yesterday and I was stupid enough to let her give me another slight fill when I knew I didn't really need it
I think I may call the doctor on monday and get .5cc taken out to see how I feel

Friday, October 29, 2010

I don't know if I can keep this up

I love that I'm losing weight, but I miss food
My friends invited me out to lunch today
I haven't really eaten out since surgery so I was a bit scared
She suggested Nandos. Not my fave choice but they wanted it so I went along
I was weighing up between the chips or the coleslaw
I expected the coleslaw to be like the KFC one...mushy!
But no, it was stringy and chunky and I only had about two bites and gave up
I feel miserable, not because I got a bit stuck but because I can't enjoy going out with my friends anymore
I'm too scared I'll get stuck and have an embarrassing moment in public
I don't know how I'm going to keep this up for the rest of my life

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I handed in the finished product of my thesis yesterday
and it felt darn good to know that four years of hard work is finally over
I don't get my results until November 11 but I'm pretty sure I at least passed and can now graduate

I just don't know what to do with myself now!
I've asked for more hours at work, and you would think with 2 jobs I'm bound to have a shift everyday, but that's not the case. I'm begging them for shifts but it might take a fortnight for the bosses to organise new rosters

The last few days have been gorgeous and sunny
So I've been spending most of my days outside reading
but that gets boring after a while
My exercise regime is non-existent at the moment
I just don't have the motivation
I think I need someone to push me around and bully me into exercising
I really would love a personal trainer, but I can't afford it right now

I'm still losing weight pretty consistently
I'm proud to say that I haven't had a stuck episode in a while...I'm being extra careful
Tomorrow I'm getting another fill because I can feel the band loosening
I won't get much though, probably .5cc

I'm feeling so lonely though
I have never had a bf
and all my friends are still at school or are too busy to hang out
Whenever I'm at home, my family are at work
so it's getting pretty lonely in here and it's depressing not having anyone to just hang out with

Wish some of you girls lived closer!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Officially 20kg down (44lb)

Cannot believe how quickly I've lost it
It's been 10 weeks since surgery and I lost 10kg with Optifast so I've averaged out a kilo (2.2lb) lost a week since surgery
I'm so glad it's been working
But I know I still have a lot more to go, and I don't expect the next 20kg to come of as quickly
I went shopping with my sister yesterday and it was a really horrible reality check
Although I've lost a lot, I still feel uncomfortable in public and still can't fit into alot of clothes
Arrgghh I'm more determined as ever to keep going with this =D

Just a reminder...

Pre Surgery July 2010 & October 2010 (please ignore the face haha)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I finished my thesis!!

Pheww that was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!
I'm pretty happy with it
My supervisors emailed me and asked if I wanted to to recommend me for a PhD scholarship
I was so shocked, I didn't think I was doing that well this year but obviously I was wrong
So now I have no more university or schooling until I decide to go back!!

Also, last night I went to watch Eat,Pray,Love
I thought it was amazing
I wish I had the time and money to go escape like that
It just made me that more excited about my European trip next year!

Band related news now...
This fill has been bitter sweet
I've lost about a kilo so far so I'm happy with that
But I've been getting stuck alot
Today I couldn't even eat lunch because nothing would go down
I don't want to get unfilled but I don't think I'll get a fill for a while
I'll see how it goes

I also went to my hairdresser today
She's a family friend and I haven't seen her since a few weeks before surgey
She was so amazed at how good I look in such a short time!
It made me feel so good =D

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Oh the joys of PBing

okay so lately I have been PBing after just about everything I eat,
to the point that I'm too scared to eat certain foods
it's gross, and I am petrified at the thought of eating out
I guess I'm still getting used to portions and I feel like I've been eating next to nothing
oh, and I don't get that "warning signal" that you are supposed to get that lets you know when to stop eating
I feel as though when I eat just one bite too much it just comes straight up
I don't think I'm too tight though, I mean I can still eat, just sometimes it won't go down
I'm scheduled in for another fill on the 27th and right now I'm considering not even getting it depending on how much I lose until then

But did this happen to anyone in their first couple of months?
I'm hoping it's just a matter of trial and error and eventually I'll learn when to stop eating!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Buying clothes...

Last night I went to yet another gig (I go to a local gig at least once a fortnight)
Anyways, it was my fave aussie band Stealing O'neal
You should really check them out! They are so catchy
So I've seen them over 30 times now haha
but I've never been able to buy any merchandise because their sizes were all too small
Yesterday I said stuff it, I'm going to buy something even if it doesn't fit me yet
Instead of a large, I bought a medium

I've been doing that quite alot lately
I keep buying clothes that are too small just so I can say "well I'll fit into it soon"

I don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing
It's a good thing because when I do fit into them it will be an amazing feeling
but it's a bad thing because what if I stop losing and can never fit into them?!

What have you guys been doing?
I have boxes and boxes of old clothes that I used to be able to fit into but are still too small and I can't part with them!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

No more stress!!

I had my final ever exam this morning
Not sure how I went on it, I knew my stuff but it was just a matter of getting it all on the paper in the two hour time limit
Just so glad that I have nearly completed my degree!
All I have now is my thesis and then I'm all done

I went to the concert last night and it was AMAZING!
I'm not sure if I mentioned who the band was, but we went to see Paramore
I love them so much, but sometimes I feel embarrassed to admit it only because alot of their new fans are young, immature, annoying little girls who I cannot stand!
Well my sister and I have followed them from the beginning, about 5 or 6 years
We've seen them five times now, but we have never had the chance to meet them
My sister admires the lead singer Hayley Williams (you might now her from her most recent duo with BOB on the song airplanes)
She was so dedicated that she went to wait at the airport for six hours yesterday and met the band!
So jealous because I was stuck at home studying!

But the show was excellent, their best one yet
The venue was pretty dodgy though (it was outside undercover)
We had really great seats though, so close!
I have been to heaps and heaps of gigs and concerts, and this was definitely the best one yet!

On the band front, I am completely motivated this week to work hard and lose some weight
I seem to have restriction and haven't really had any cravings at all today
Let's hope I lose at least a kilogram this week!

Here are some photos from the show:

This is my sister with Hayley Williams:
(she could only meet her briefly because their flight was already delayed and they had to rush to the venue, but she was sweet enough to stop for a quick photo. She also didn't have makeup on and decided to hide =P)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

3rd fill

just got home from my 3rd fill

I was in the waiting room sobbing because I was watching the Chilean miners being rescued! haha

I was pleasantly surprised when she said I had lost 2kg since I saw her last (3 weeks ago)
I seriously thought that I had put on a hundred kgs! haha

My fill dr is amazing! I love going to visit and I know she always has my best interests at heart.
She was going to put 1cc in, and she said if it's too tight I can go back in tomorrow. Well that's when I told her I have my exam tomorrow morning and she got a bit worried because she didn't want me to be too tight that I couldn't eat or drink in the morning.

So she gave me 0.6cc, but I guess if I felt restriction straight away with my last fill then this should help abit
I'm going again in 2 weeks so she said she could give me a good fill then if this one doesn't work

Fingers crossed this helps!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

ARGHH $&^$%#^#

I'm just on here to complain and vent

I am completely stressing out right now and it is not helping my eating habits

I have my final exam on Thursday at 9am
They don't tell you the exact date of the exam until about 2 weeks before
So at the start of this year I bought some concert tickets, thinking that the exam would be before the concert date
Well guess what, the concert is the night before the exam!
So that's making me stress even more because I can't even enjoy myself

I've been studying like crazy
and also trying to finish my thesis, which is not going very well because my supervisors are no help at all

I'm at my whits end
I'm eating crap constantly and keep getting stuck because of stupidity

I seriously have had enough of everything!
I know I don't have long to go
but I hate the fact that I'm sabotaging everything

Tomorrow I get my third fill
and I am going to beg the Dr to fill me up to the brim

ARGH! told you I was going to complain!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Can't stop eating =(

I feel like such a failure
I was doing so well...and then I hit bandster hell again
This is killer
I am constantly eating, and old habits are coming back very quickly
The scale batteries died today (go figure!) but I can feel that I have gained some weight
I think the stress of finishing school and studying for exams is really stuffing up everything
I think because of TTOM I'm feeling really bloated and disgusting
If I keep going on like this...I'll probably gain back all my weight and it's a horrible thought
Cannot wait until Wednesday when I get my fill
The first week after my last fill was so great because I could really feel restriction
But now all that restriction has gone and I've undone all my hard work =(

Arrgghh sorry, just needed to vent!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

New Wii Game!

Okay, so after that gain I thought I should really think about my activity levels
At the moment I've still basically living a sedentary lifestyle...
and my excuse is uni!
I'm always at school at a desk studying
But everyone's excuse is that they don't have time
and that's how I got this heavy in the first place!

So now that uni is over, for the first time in 21 years I can actually dedicate my life to getting fit
I have never had a proper break from school
So now that my degree is coming to an end, I really have no excuse

I also know that if I don't shape up now, I am going to look like a beached whale when I go to Europe next year!

Therefore...I ran out to Target to look at what wii games they have
I already have wii fit and wii sports, and I like them...but I find that they are just too slow for me

I need some good, fast cardio but I also want to have fun

I came across this:

I am pretty uncoordinated, but I love to dance
and I also like boxing, so it is perfect!

I played around with it for half an hour and I am stuffed!
I'm actually sweating and my heart rate was up (they even stop mid way to check your heart rate!)

My goal is to do a session every night
I know it isn't as good as walking, but right now I can squeeze in 10 minute sessions between study and at least I know I'm doing something

Gain =(

aarrgghh I was expecting this but I really wish I hadn't

It's the end of TTOTM and I do feel bloated

but it didn't help that I ate just about everything in sight this week

I am so desperate for another fill

and I know it's a lame excuse but I have been so stressed because of exams next week and my thesis being due so I haven't exercised and eating well was really at the bottom of my priorities

I am really looking forward to November because I will finally be done with school and I am joining the gym!!

Oh was only a small gain of 200grams (0.44lbs) but it's still in the wrong direction!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Do you know what grinds my gears?

People who deliberately try to rain on your parade!

First of all, sorry about the constant posting. I'm fairly addicted to the internet and I had an assignment due so I was procrastinating all morning and putting it off :P

But I really just need to vent, and I'm sure you guys will understand why once you read what happened to me today

Well as some of you might know, I work at a medical clinic and the doctors are all so sweet and are constantly telling me how proud they are of me. I enjoy working at the clinic however there is alot of bitchiness between the receptionists and some of them really frustrate me.

Last week there was a new receptionist who I found out had lap band and she was such a great help. So I go in to work today and for some reason she was unable to work so there was another lady there.

I really can't stand working with this particular receptionist. She is snobby and bitchy and lazy. She is constantly on the phone, never doing work, while I'm running around answering calls and attending to patients.

So today she brought up the fact that her house cleaner had lap band done a few months ago (yes, she likes to boast about how rich she is by raving about her "help"!). She would not shut up about how her cleaner had the band only a few months ago and apparently she has lost over 30kg. Okay, so I didn't know this person so I couldn't judge, but the story seemed a bit over the top to me. She kept going on about how amazing she looks and it started to irritate me because it was like she was saying to me "well compared to her, you really haven't done that well".

Then she started going on about how her cleaner barely eats anything, and she is constantly vomiting up her food!! According to my doctor, and most people I've spoken to, having to vomit up food is a sign of an overfill. I told the receptionist that her cleaner should really watch out because it was unhealthy to vomit and lose so much so quickly. But no, she didn't seem to think there was a problem, all she cared about was how fantastic this woman looked.

It really frustrated me! Especially when I told her how much I had lost and she was like "Oh that's alot, but this woman looks fantastic, you should see her!" Seriously, I don't know what you guys think, but I took that as a very rude remark and although it didn't hurt me (I don't really care what she thinks) it did annoy me a little because this woman has no idea how hard I've been working.

Aaarrgghhh some people can be so rude! I really was trying to bite my tongue to avoid any arguments!!

Attention Bloggers

Please take a look at Sue's post about changing your blog settings!

I really want to follow everyone but people either need to leave me a comment or change their settings in order for me to find their blog links!

It's not too difficult, Sue did a great job of making it as simple as possible!

I want to follow you all...

but for some reason when I click on your little follower avatars it won't link me yo your blogs!

If I'm not following you then let me know!

Oh and if you guys have facebook then add me =)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Oh and let's welcome a newbie!

Everyone should go over and welcome Liz =)

She's a gorgeous 20 year old Aussie who I can totally relate with

She was only banded recently so I'm sure she would love some support!

Now I understand why...

the doctors tell us not to drink so close to having finished eating!

I have broken so may band rules today =(

This morning I had some crackers for snack and immediately had a sip of mum's bright purple berry juice. BAD IDEA!
I started coughing and the purple liquid came back up again...through my nose!
It was disgusting!
My nose kept running purple for about 15 minutes

That is why I will never drink after I eat!

Oh and I got stuck again today and it also came back up again
It's taking so long for me to learn what and when I can eat and it's making me so scared to go eat in public

Oh well...we can't all be perfect bandsters =P

Friday, October 1, 2010

Revamped Blog

Check it out!

I really should have been studying...but this seemed a lot more interesting

The tabs on the right hand side are clickable!

Tell me what you think!

Feeling good!

Just went for a really good walk with my sister

we live in a suburban area...but the street next to ours is amazing because it's like walking in the country

it's a gravel road and so many trees around and so peaceful!

My sister came with me and we lasted 30 mins

Really hope I can keep up the motivation to do it everyday

Need to get back on track!

I have completely lost the plot
I've been grazing constantly and having junk
The cravings for chips and bread have disappeared
But now I've replaced it with cheese and crackers even when I'm not particularly hungry
I'm still losing...but not as quickly as I would like
I think the restriction has worn off because I never really feel full anymore

Going insane right now!

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Remember those jeans I was trying to squeeze into?

26 August 2010

Well I buttoned them up today!!!!

26 September 2010

I don't know why they are weird colours...but heck who cares, they fit!!

Oh and I hadn't realised until now that the photos are exactly 4 weeks apart!
Love my progress so far

18 kg down :D (39.6lbs)

Amazing weekend

First of all, my body hurts all over
Two rock shows in one weekend is crazy
I don't think I've done it before
But it was bloody amazing!
Here are a few pictures (my sister has the camera so these are a few I found of the show)

Oh and all that jumping and dancing really paid off
because since thursday I've already lost 1kg

PS. I am loving this restriction
I'm starting to feel in control of my portions and it feels amazing!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Weigh In and a busy weekend

Weighed in this morning at 108.5...meaning this week was a loss of 1.1kg (2.42lb)
That is such a great loss for me
It's evident that the fill really worked this time
Total lost so far is 17kg (37.4lb) =D

This weekend is going to be huge...and I think it's actually going to be a real challenge just fitting in time to eat!

My sister and I have two concerts this weekend!!
On Friday we are going to a To Write Love On Her Arms event
I love this charity. Seriously, more people need to support suicide prevention
To make it even more worthwhile is the fact that two of my fave Aussie bands are performing!

Stealing O'neal (above) are one of my fave bands. I have been to almost all their shows in Melbourne and I absolutely adore them. The boys are such nice guys and are always up for a chat.

The Getaway Plan (below) actually broke up last year, but are reforming to support the charity...and I'm really hoping they are back for good. I've been to over 20 of their shows...I'm a bit of a groupie, but I'm not a slutty one :P

And on Saturday we are going to another concert. We are seeing English bands You, Me at Six and Kids in Glasshouses, and are supported by US band the Audition. I must admit, I'm not a huge fan. But my sister asked me to go, and I live for live shows so I really don't mind who I see!

I'm defs in for a huge weekend. Pretty excited!!

Oh, just thought I would chuck in one of my fave photos of me and my second cousin. It's the perfect picture. Love her to death!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

First stuck episode...

And it wasn't pleasant
I really wasn't careful today
I was nibbling on little things even though I wasn't even hungry

So I munched on a tiny piece of pasta
And I was sure that I had chewed it enough
But obviously not

The feeling of being stuck wasn't terribly painful
Just uncomfortable
The best way to describe it to my sister was likening it to when you swallow a piece of bread and peanut butter and it's formed a kind of goo in your throat
I got a sharp pain in my back and in my diaphragm

It was stuck for about 10 minutes while I was wriggling around and coughing trying to loosen it up
I eventually coughed over the sink and it all came back up

The fact that it wasn't as horrible and disgusting as vomit made me feel a bit better
I absolutely hate vomitting so I'm glad it wasn't that bad

I just never want it to happen ever, ever again!!


to everyone that replied to my last post

All is good
I was just a bit discouraged because she wasn't the only person who said that with lap band you can't lose 100% of your excess weight

But I'm strong and I know if I work hard all good things will happen :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Blow to the guts

Last night I worked with one of the new receptionists
We got talking and she mentioned that she had lap band done 3 years ago

She was great with telling me what to expect
She lost 40kgs in the first 6 months and warned me about saggy skin

I don't want to be 22 and having to still cover up because of saggy, deflated skin

I'm also a bit disheartened by the fact that when I told her my goal weight she said I shouldn't keep my hopes up!
I told her that to be in my healthy range I need to lose about 70kg
She cringed a bit and said that the doctors only expect people to lose 50-60% of their EXCESS weight. So that means it's expected I would only lose about 35kg

I know alot of you girls have had amazing success
What's your secret?
I need hope!

I think I feel it

Restriction, that is!

This morning I decided to measure out my all bran
I had 1/4 cup of all bran, 1tbs protein powder and just over 1/4 cup milk
I feel absolutely stuffed now!
I didn't have any pain signals to stop
I ate all of it but now I feel so full

let's hope this feeling lasts until lunch!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fill number TWO

Just got home from my second fill

I told her that I felt no restriction after my first one so she put in an extra 2cc today
The first fill didn't hurt as much as this one
The needle was fine
It was the kneading of my stomach to find the port that was a bit uncomfortable
My stomach is just a bit tender now

Hopefully this fortnight I will have great results because by her scale I only lost half a kilo

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My new love is...

All Bran!

Holy cow it is a lifesaver
This may be TMI but since surgery I had only managed to "Go" once a week
I was feeling bloated all the time and I attribute it to my plateau

But man ever since I've started eating All Bran everything is 100% better

So glad I got the courage to try it
Tastes a bit bland, but helps so much

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I've broken through the plateau

I have finally started losing weight again

Weigh in today was 109.6kg
Total lost this week was 0.5kg (1.1lb)
Not too great but my ultimate goal is at least a loss of half a kilo each week so right on target

Total loss so far is 16kg

I also just finished off a half hour session on the wii fit
I did 10 mins on the treadmill at high my heart rate up very quickly lol
Then I made up a yoga and muscle training routine
Boy am I sore
I used muscles I didn't think I had
I feel really good though, I was so ready to give up half way but if I did then it wouldn't add up to my daily exercise total on the wii so it was a good incentive to keep going
Very proud of myself :P

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'm shrinking!!!

I am so excited =D

I was thinking of going to Target to get some jeans
and I hadn't measured in a while so I was comparing the size chart with my old measurements.

I thought that because I hadn't lost much weight since those measurements then I wouldn't probably have lost any cms

Well boy was I wrong!!
I've now lost a total of 62cm (24.4")

Such a brilliant morning...can't wait to go shopping :P

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dear Oprah...

...My ultimate dream would have been to see you at least once in my life
And then you decide that you are coming to Australia, but we aren't invited?!

Ahhhhh I cried when I found out that Oprah was heading down under
But then I got a bit angry when I found out that she is bringing an audience with her!

Bit unfair isn't it?!

Ah well, I plan on stalking her down while she is here hahaha

Just needed to vent my frustration!

*EDIT*: It was just announced that she will be releasing a number of tickets to her Aussie fans but it will be by ballot. Therefore, I highly doubt that I'll be one of the chosen ones =(

Monday, September 13, 2010

Treadmill vs. Exercise Bike

Like most people, I hate exercising with a passion!

I would love to be able to afford a gym membership and a personal trainer but at the moment I'm too preoccupied with uni to be able to commit to something like that

My parents own a weights machine, treadmill and stationary bike
I really love the bike, but it's in the garage and mum is very pedantic about bringing things inside

I really need to do something though, especially with the plateau that I've become stuck in

What exercise do you all enjoy doing?
I think I might sneak the bike inside so I can at least watch tv or read
But I've heard that stationary bikes don't provide great workouts unless you go to a spin class

Photo Blog :)

My Progress Photo Blog

Hi ladies

I've decided to create a separate blog just for photos
I take heaps and heaps of random pics so I thought I might as well document my progress somewhere

Here's a pic that I took yesterday
I may sound a bit narcissistic but I just love it!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I don't want to fail...

But I have been starving the past week and have been eating so much junk
Although I don't think I have been exceeding my calorie intake, I still find myself craving and nibbling on junk food

The first fill was useless...
for some reason it made me even more hungry

I'm hoping that the doctor will give me a bigger fill next week instead of the routine 1.5cc

I'm trying so hard to restrain myself
But I find myself hungry every single hour of the day!

I guess I'm not the only one that this has happened to,
but it is really frustrating!

On a brighter note, this is a photo I took today
I bought a new top and new eyeliner and needed to show them off =P

Friday, September 10, 2010

Constant reminder...

That rescue IS always possible

I've finally come to realise that no matter how stuck or helpless I might feel, there is always a way out and there is always someone I can turn to

It took me a while to believe this,
But as I lose weight, I am finally breaking free from the box I've locked myself in for so many years

Just remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and you just have to persist at working your way out

Thursday, September 9, 2010

One month down =)

This was the "holy cow" pre-op picture I was referring to in an earlier post =P

So tomorrow will mark exactly 4 weeks since surgery
I didn't lose anything this week
But since surgery I've lost 5kg (10.8lbs)
All up though I've lost 15kg (33lbs)
I really need to get out of this plateau I'm in
I think I should up my exercise and it's such a beautiful day outside so I'm thinking I should make the most of it and go for a long walk
I know I shouldn't stress out, because I've done great so far
But even a 100gram loss would have motivated me

The biggest change is in my clothes
Yet these last few days have been fat days for me
Everything I try on seems to look horrible and it's really getting me down

I might go to the shops tonight for some retail therapy and buy something nice
Maybe I'm feeling horrible because all my clothes look like tents?
My work pants and jeans are constantly falling off and for the first time in a long time I need to hoist them up with a belt!

This was taken on 29th August

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Plateaus are sucky

I have been at the same weight all week and it is really not doing anything good for my motivation

The fill did jack all and I'm still as hungry as I was before it
I have to wait another 2 weeks before I get my next fill and at this rate I doubt I would have lost anything by then

I really need to start counting my calories because I'm constantly nibbling

I've been walking most days and still no loss!

How do I get out of this?!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Morning Restriction?

I think I can feel some kind of restriction this morning
I haven't eaten anything because I've been getting some sharp pains around my chest and stomach
Not sure if this is the morning restriction everyone is talking about
But I'm too scared to eat just in case it all comes back up again!

I guess this whole process is a learning experience and everyone is different
But could someone explain to me what this might be?

Monday, September 6, 2010

I'm starting to learn...

Post-op Appointment & First Fill =D

Hello Lovelies!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while
Things haven't been so good these last few days food-wise
I have been craving anything and everything!
Doesn't help that it's TTOM
But Bandster Hell has driven me insane. I'm constantly hungry and choosing all the wrong foods

Today I had my first Post-Op appointment
I was under the impression that I would meet up with my surgeon and I wouldn't be able to get a fill because it's only been 3 weeks out
But I went and the surgeon wasn't even working!
I met with one of the other Drs though, and she was wonderful
So friendly and really helpful
I told her how hungry I was and that I hadn't had any problems with food
She said I could start easing myself onto solid foods
And then she gave me a fill!
She made sure I understood that she might not be able to get to the port today because she could feel that my stomach was still swollen
But she got it on the first try!
Wasn't painful at all and the whole process was so quick!

She told me I have a small band- 10cc
and today she put in 1.5cc
I'm on liquids for the remainder of the day and then mushies for the rest of the week
Then solids!
She was so proud of me because of how much weight I've already lost :)

I'm so happy right now :)
This fill came at the right time because I think I was plateauing there for a while

Now off to work...*sigh*

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Get to know me better :)

My sister and I in Disney Land 1995 and at a wedding 2007

I saw this on Maria's blog and thought it was a great way for you to get a better sense of who I am...

Oh and because I have a tonne of homework to do and really cannot be bothered!

- Age: 21
- Annoyance: People who are too consumed by their relationships that they leave their friends behind
- Animal: I don't have any pets but would love a cute little dog. I'm also fascinated by Zebras and Giraffes. Completely terrified of Birds!
- Actor: Hmm tough one. I love comedians like Seth Rogan and Adam Sandler, and have always loved Drew Barrymore, Sandra Bullock and Queen Latifah. I also have a great admiration for Nikki Blonsky (Hairspray).

- Beer: Gross! Even if I was desperate for alcohol I wouldn't even go near that stuff
- Birthplace: Melbourne, Australia
- Body Part on opposite sex: Smile, Eyes...and Hair
- Been in Love: Not yet...but I have plenty of time for that
- Been bitched at: Oh plenty. It's what high school is all about, right?
- Believe in yourself?: More and More each day
- Believe in God: Deep down I do. But I was basically forced to practice the Catholic faith and it's caused me to question what values I do and don't believe in.
- Before weight: 125kg

- Car: Purple 2 door Ford Festiva
- Candy: I don't have any faves. Chocolate is my guilty pleasure though
- Color: Again, no faves! I do wear alot of blacks, greys and reds though
- Cried in school: Plenty! My mum got really sick when I was in High School and it was a horrible I cried to my friends probably everyday sometimes
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Mmmm Chocolate!
- Chinese/Mexican: I really barely ever go out to eat and most of the stuff mum cooks at home is European food. But I've had some Mexican and I've liked it
- Cake or pie: Well I don't know what you would call Pie here in Australia. But I like Cheesecakes and Tarts
- Country to visit: Well I've never been to Greece before and I've always had a fascination with Prague...but I'll be going to both those countries next year :P
- Day or Night: Night
- Do the splits?: I actually used to be able to...In primary school! haha

- Eggs: Love them no matter how they are cooked
- Eyes: Mine have always been dark, dark brown...almost black

- First crush: Oh Gosh I remember having crushes in first grade but I don't remember any of their names :P
- First thoughts waking up: Please can I have a few more hours sleep!
- Food: Mediterranean food...Pasta, Pasta, Pasta! Pity about all the carbs though =S

- Greatest Fear: Losing my parents or sister. I am extremely protective of her!
- Goals: Keep on travelling, but would love to settle down one day and have the perfect career and family
- Get along with your parents?: I get along with my dad just fine. I'm completely a daddy's girl. Never really had a good relationship with mum though.
- Good luck charm: Never had one

- Hair Color: I have had just about every colour you could think of. My natural colour is dark brown. That's what it is like at the moment.
- Height: 149cm, 4ft 11"
- Happy: Most of the time. Although this past year, uni has been a nightmare :(
- Holiday: Don't really have a favourite holiday. Christmas depresses me because I'm always jealous about what everyone else gets haha
- Health freak?: Ah if I was I wouldn't be this overweight!
- Hate: Hypocrites, Slutty girls, People to crave attention 24/7

- Ice Cream: Anything with crunchy bits in it! We have one called Hocky-Pocky here and it had little balls of caramel and honeycomb in it. Yum!
- Instrument: The only instrument I learnt was the Recorder...but that's because back when I was in Primary School just about every student was taught it

- Jewellery: I don't generally wear jewellery besides my earrings. I have 7 ear piercings all up. I also wear a bracelet that my sister made which has a peace sign pendant.
- Job: Medical Receptionist and Check-Out Chick =P

- Kids:No kids yet...maybe in another 15 or so years haha
- Kickboxing or karate: I've never done either of them. But I would love to try kickboxing
- Keep a journal? I used to. But now I blog to keep track of what I've done

- Longest Car Ride: 18 hours from Melbourne to Queensland. We made sure we stayed somewhere overnight to break up the trip
- Love: Music and my sister
- Laughed so hard you cried: Sure have!
- Love at first sight: Not sure really. Maybe Lust but not Love

- Milk flavor: Iced coffee flavoured milk!
- Movie: I have so many! I've always loved Parent Trap (poor lindsay, she was so sweet and innocent), Mean Girls, Little Miss Sunshine, Never been kissed.
I also really love small Indie films like Adventureland and Virgin Suicides.
- Mooned anyone?: Ahh no
- Marriage: Nope
- Motion sickness? Only when I read in the car
- McD’s or BK: We don't have burger king Maccas I guess. If I had to choose anyways!

- Number of Siblings: 1 younger sister (19)
- Number of Piercings: I currently have 3 pairs of ear lobe piercings and 1 cartilage piercing on my left ear. I had my nose pierced and one stage and had 2 extra cartilage piercings.
- Number: 26 or 31

- One wish: Love

- Place you’d like to live: Malta. Happening next year baby!
- Perfect Pizza: Thin crust, Not too much sauce. I love Capricciossa pizza...but I hate mushrooms lol
- Pepsi/Coke: If I had to choose it would be Coke. But I barely ever drink it.

- Questionaires: Are good when you feel like procrastinating!

- Reason to cry: I seriously cry at anything and everything! Put on Oprah and I'll be sobbing for the whole hour!
- Reality T.V.: I cannot get enough of it! Love the Hills and the City!
-Roll your tongue in a circle? I don't even think I can

- Song: I never have a favourite song. It changes every minute!
- Shoe size: 10. I have a short but wide foot :(
- Salad Dressing: Not really a fan
- Skipped school: Once! I basically forced my friend to help me ditch class because it was my final year of high school and it was an experience I needed to have before I graduated!
- Smoking: I don't smoke. But I used to smoke socially.
- Sing well?: I think I can. I've always loved singing but I'm too shy to perform in public!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries
- Time for bed: Whenever I feel like I need to crash!
- Thunderstorms: Love them when I'm safe inside!
- TV: I watch WAY too much TV! My all time favourite TV show is Gilmore Girls. At the moment I love Pretty Little Liars, Make it or break it, Huge, Parenthood. I also love That 70s Show, LA ink and the OC.

- Unpredictable: Not really unfortunately =( I wish I was but people know me too well!

- Vegetable you hate: Mushrooms, Squash, Eggplant, Zucchini
- Vegetable you love: Broad beans, Peas, Potatoes, Green Beans, Snow Peas
- Vacation spot: Anywhere warm

- Weakness: Anything Sweet
- When you grow up: I want to travel the world and have a family. Oh and be a practising Psychologist.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: My sister is my best friend and we pretty much think on the same wave length
- Wanted to be a model?: Nope

-X-Rays: Does ultra sound count?

-Year it is now: 2010
-Yellow: Pastel yellow is gorgeous

- Zoo:Werribee Zoo is about 10 minutes from my house. It's like an African Safari Park and it is amazing! My dad is actually there right now...he volunteers there on weekends.
- Zodiac sign: Aquarius. But I don't really believe in horoscopes.