Cheated =(

So I feel sick now
It's not as bad as you might think
But I did cheat and I'm paying for it now!

Today I had uni 9-5 so all I had while I was at uni was my optifast berry bar
But when I got home I was STARVING!

I had some of mum's Caesar salad. Luckily she didn't drench it with dressing. It was pretty light
But I had too much lettuce and I probably had about a quarter of an egg, some croutons, some bacon bits and some Parmesan cheese

And then my sister decided to bake peanut butter and chocolate froster cupcakes!!
How selfish right?! As if she didn't know I would crave them!
I did have a licks of the frosting :S

Arrgghhh I was doing so well!
I've decided now that I'm not going to have the 2 remaining shakes tonight

Huge

I have fallen in love with this ABCFamily TV show called "HUGE"
I'm reading the book at the moment and I've become fascinated with the idea of sending reluctant teens to "fat camp"

The show stars Nikki Blonsky who I absolutely adore
When I watched Hairspray I was inspired to come out of my shell and be a bit more like her

She's exactly my height and looks pretty much the same as me in a bathing suit :P

I know it's a teen show but if any of you would like to truly understand what it is like to be a fat teen then this is the show to watch

I think one day I would love to go to the States and volunteer in one of these camps
But I think it might be a bit hypocritical of me to go once I've had the band

Any thoughts?

This Optifast is like magic

Disguting, foul tasting magic but still :P

I've been on it for 12 days and have lost 6.3kg (i think about 14lb) already
I'm just about half way
I doubt I could pull another 6kg until surgery though
But my surgeon better be damn proud of me
And I better not have any problems with a "fatty liver"!

I guess it is all going to be worth it in the end though
How much did everyone lose pre-op?

Bye Bye 120's!

This morning I am officially under 120kg...119.7kg to be exact :P
I have no idea how I ever got to my highest of 127 but I know I will NEVER, EVER, EVER go back there again!

Since the start of pre-op on 19/07/10, I have lost 5.8kg and I am so happy and so determined to keep going.
My clothes already feel looser and those nasty hunger pains don't visit as often as they used to!

So I've decided that if I want to do this properly I have to face those horrible "before" photos and fight my demons.

*WARNING*
The following photos are horrible and may scar you for life :P

Hawaii July 4 2009 (I think I was about 116kg?)


January 2010 (not too horrible from behind but still not great!)


March 2010 (Don't remember weight)

Yummy Yummy Veggies

Oh wow I'm loving my veggies right now
I never thought I would ever crave cauliflower or broccoli!

Today I invented a new recipe and it was delicious

Broccoli and Cauliflower mash
- boil some water and add a chicken stock cube and a teaspoon of garlic mince
- add chopped up cauliflower and broccoli and boil until soft
- drain water
- add a teaspoon of dijon mustard, olive oil and pepper
- MASH!

It's pretty basic but it was so good!
The closest I could get to potato mash :P

I did however cheat a little today which I'm kicking myself for
I had two very thin slices of shaved lite turkey breast and about 6 peanuts
I doubt it will affect me too much but it's come to the point in pre-op where I just need to eat some "real" food!

How did everyone go on their pre-op?
How often did you cheat?

First 5 Lost!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I don't remember the last time I lost 5kg!
I guess that complaining yesterday really paid off
And pre-op is getting easier and easier for me
Yesterday at work I spent the whole shift searching for easy vegan meals that I could use to mix up my veggies a bit
I found this beautiful recipe which I am basically going to make every night because I love it!

Green Beans with Colored Peppers

Ingredients:
1 handful green beans
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon chopped fresh or 1 teaspoon dried basil leaves
2 teaspoons chopped fresh or 3/4 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
1/4 cup red bell pepper, cut into strips
1/4 cup green bell pepper, cut into strips
1/2 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground black pepper, if desired

Directions:
1. In 12-inch skillet, cook green beans on Stove-Top as directed on bag. Drain; place beans on plate and loosely cover to keep warm.

2. Meanwhile, in small bowl, mix lemon juice, mustard, basil and thyme; set aside.

3. Add oil to same skillet; heat over medium-high heat. Add bell peppers; cook 6 to 8 minutes, stirring frequently, just until tender.

4. Add green beans and lemon mixture to peppers; toss to coat. Sprinkle with salt; cook 2 to 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Serve sprinkled with freshly ground black pepper.

I changed it up a bit though and served it on a bed of iceberg lettuce
It was so delicious! Beats steamed veg :P

Quick update!

So I've been on pre-op for a week
Lost 3.5 kg...but haven't lost anything in about 3 days
It's so frustrating because I'm always starving and I'm making sure I drink my 2l of water a day
What more do I need to do?!!!

I really need reassurance

Argh I hate people who try and scare you out of doing things that you know you need!

I just came across this site and I am now scared as hell to get banded =(

http://www.fatlotofgood.org.au/?p=226

Have a read and please tell me that this is rare and probably won't happen to me! I know people have complications because they already have pre-existing conditions, but it still scares me!

I don't have diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure or anything else for that matter. Hopefully the incidents mentioned in the article are 1 in a million

I gave in...

And I'm actually glad I did!

As most of you know, I decided to take a break from my pre-op diet because I started a week early.

Well the other day mum and I went to Costco and she bought a pack of bagles. I haven't had one in ages and I was craving it. So I had one this morning. And I felt stuffed! I regret having one but then I know that if I didn't now then my band might not even let me eat them after surgery.

It's 1.30 and I just had lunch. I was just going to have a shake but then mum reminded me that once I start pre-op tomorrow I won't be able to eat any solids until post-op. I'm not necessarily craving junk, I just wanted something fresh. I was actually craving some fresh ricotta cheese. So I had 2 rice crackers with ricotta, tomato and some shaved ham. It was so good! But I am so full and I doubt I could eat anything until dinner! It's amazing how these last few days on optifast has already decreased my appetite! Last week I probably would have had at least 4 crackers and I probably still wouldn't be full!!

I'm really excited now to get the band, because I know that I will feel satisfied!

Answers/Advice please!

So I have a dilemma
i have been 100% perfect on pre-op so far
but now I'm regretting doing it an extra week
I know I can stick to it for the whole four weeks if I put my mind to it
But the surgeon and dietician only advised me to do it for 3 weeks so that means I would have started this Friday
So my question is...Do you think it would be okay to just have whatever I want tomorrow and then start again on Friday?
I'm not craving junk food...all I've wanted these past 3 days is a sandwich with avocado and ricotta (I have no idea why!)

Basically I just want to know how important pre-op is
Like I said, I've been 100% perfect and I know I will be perfect the few weeks before surgery
But surely my liver isn't going to get all fatty after one day?
Arggghhh

Hello lovely ladies!

Welcome to all my new followers
It's good to know that I'm not on here talking to myself :P

Day 3 of Optifast and 3.2 kg down. I know I shouldn't weight myself everyday but the loss I see on the scales every morning is the only thing keeping me going!
I can already feel that my clothes are a bit more comfortable.

On an unrelated note,
I got the best news this morning and I need to share my good news!
Not sure if I have told any of you, but I am currently in my final year of a Psychology degree (in my honours year) and today I got the mark back for my literature review. My project is looking at the mental health impact of family relationship counselling, and I'm working with a counselling center and comparing client's pre- and post- counselling surveys. So I got a high distinction!! That's the highest you can get! I was so shocked. I never feel confident in my work, even though I have excellent grades. But what surprised me even more was that my supervisor would like me to publish it in an actual (professional) Psychology Journal! I thought only people with years of experience can publish their work!

I'm so so so happy!
I'll let you know when it gets published :)

Photo Blog

So here is a montage of all the beautiful, curvy, confident women I admire and strive to be like/look like

BETH DITTO = CONFIDENT
- She is an amazing singer and although I wouldn't try and emulate her style, she is everything I would love to be when it comes to ultimate body acceptance and confidence
- This girl is fierce, I admire her for not caring what others think of her (She even posed naked on the cover of a magazine!)


KAT VON D, PEACHES GELDOF & KELLY OSBOURNE = UNIQUE
- These girls epitomise everything I would love to be
- They're gorgeous, curvy and unique
- Tatts are amazing. You either love them or hate them. I love them!
- I've always had a girl crush on Kat von D...I would definitely turn for her ;P



MARILYN MUNROE & BETTIE PAGE= PIN UP GLAM
- I've always been fascinated by curvaceous pin ups
- I wish that having curves didn't mean that you were "plus size"
- These women prove that you don't have to be stick thin to be beautiful



MODERN DAY CURVES

KATY PERRY & KELLY CLARKSON


KATE WINSLET & RICKI-LEE COULTER

Holy Cow

I feel like a cow right now!
I decided to take some full body photos just for my eyes only
When I looked in the mirror I didn't feel too bad about myself
But the photos were hideous. I don't even recognize myself
I feel disgusting today
At least it's keeping me motivated to stick to this pre-op
I know that once I get the band I am going to work my ass off to get to goal

Just on a side note...
What has been everyone's experience with excess skin?
Mum keeps telling me that the slower I lose the weight the less chance I have of being left with a tonne of saggy skin
I'm not sure how true that is, but that's what I've always thought
I know that weight loss with the band might not be super fast, but alot of you have lost incredible amounts of weight and I'm just curious to see what condition your skin is in

Day two

Lost 1.7kg
Hunger pains got bad towards the end of the night
But I kept thinking about how successful all of you have been and I want that too so I stayed strong!
Let's hope it gets easier from here

I need to vent =(

Argh my mum really frustrates me
We've never really gotten along, but as I got older I learnt how to handle her
All in moderation
But lately she's really been doing my head in
For some stupid reason she is absolutely against me getting this surgery
Okay, I know she is scared
But it would be really good if she at least supported me
She's so ignorant. She won't listen to me when I explain the procedure
She doesn't understand why I need to do something so drastic
But she's always the one to point out how big I am

I don't want to cry but it really makes me sad

Hunger Pains :(

Arrgghh I was doing so well this morning
Now I'm starving
I still have half a dessert and another shake to finish but if I have them now I know I will be starving later on
How do I get rid of them?!!
It's freezing so it is so hard to get all my water in

:(

Day one

I apologise in advance for all my blog posts for the next few weeks...It's just an exciting time for me :D

So today is day one of my pre-op diet
I've already made my jelly and have my optifast chocolate dessert in the fridge
Today I'm having a strawberry shake, chocolate shake, roast veggies from last night and for dessert chocolate optifast and diet jelly.
Oh and my 2 litres of water!

Doesn't seem like much and I'm scared I'll get really hungry later on
So I'm going to divided up the chocolate dessert and jelly and put them into little cups and have them throughout the day
and I'm going to half each of the shakes and just have smaller glasses when i'm hungry

It seems like that could work
but it's already 10.20am and I haven't had my breakfast yet. I don't really get hungry in the mornings so the later I eat the better...less chance of feeling like my stomach is eating itself!!!

I'll update you tonight on how I went :D

Today is the last day...

Before I am going to completely start my pre-op
yesterday marked 4 weeks before surgery
eeeeeeeeppp im so excited!
Last night I went out to a local club thinking that it would be the last time I'll be having alcohol in a while and I was planning on getting smashed
I had 2 Vodka Raspberries and that was it for me
I used to be able to drink so much, So I guess it's a good thing now that my body rejects it
Tonight mum's making a roast, something we've been waiting for since they left 2 months ago!
I'll keep you updated on how pre-op goes

Have a great weekend guys :)

The optifast berry bars...

are heaven!!
<3 them. I tried the chocolate ones and I couldn't eat the whole bar at once
They're not horrible, they're just too heavy
So I started cutting them up and having them as lollies throughout the day

but those berry crunch bars are the best!
I'm sure I can live off them for the next month!
plus my shakes

I bought the dessert.
They make a huge portion though!
So I'm going to mix it with some diet jelly and make a few cups worth and have that when I'm hungry

I think I'll be fine
I'm going to survive it!!!

Taking a risk!

Well not so much a risk
but I've decided that I want to do an extra week of the Optifast pre-op diet
This Friday will make it 4 weeks until surgery!
and as much as I dread the optifast, I'm more nervous that my liver isn't going to shrink enough and I'll have to reschedule my surgery
So instead of the 3 week diet i'll be doing it for 4 weeks
I'm off to the chemist now to spend a fortune on this stuff...but hopefully i'll see some results each week so it will motivate me!

What was everyone's experience with their pre-op?
I know i'll be hungry but I start back at university this week so I'll be busy!

My new love!

Hi everyone :D
Hope you are all doing well!

Last night/early this morning my sister and I went to pick up mum and dad from the airport
8 weeks away is a very long time and I missed them so much
especially my dad...I'm very much a daddy's girl :P

So we got home at about 3am but were so eager to see what they had brought back for us

Relatives in Malta like sending us back alot of junk...
but this time all the gifts were actually really great
we got alot of money, a nice purse and some little trinkets

I didn't want mum and dad to buy me much from there, but I knew they would be stopping in Dubai so I asked them for a black bag that I could take to uni

They bought me the most awesome Jimmy Choo bag ever!!
It's fake of course...but it looks 100% real, and I LOVE it!!
It's the best, I'm going to guard it with my life!



and last night was the first time that mum acknowledged the surgery and actually had good things to say about my decision
She's not all that happy that I want to go under the knife, but she knows how depressed this weight has made me and she knows it will make me happy
So she told me that she wanted to buy me alot of clothes but she knows that I will lose weight and won't be able to fit into them anymore.
That meant alot because she actually has hope that I will succeed. She's never said anything like that before any other "diet" I've tried.

Well today is a beautiful day outside...the sun is actually shining for the first time in a while!

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

Can this really be possible?

Sorry for the constant posts today!
But reading everyone's blogs is getting me excited about the whole prospect of losing weight

I was talking to my sister about my goals
I don't want to set myself up for failure, I want to make realistic goals
I've been told that setting a date to achieve each goal may not be the best way to go about it
So how do I do it?!
My surgery is exactly 20 weeks before New Years eve...So I thought I might reward myself if I lose 20kg (44 lb) by that time. But I don't even know if that's possible!

I know everyone is different, but what is your average weight loss?
Is 1kg a week pushing it?
Should I instead aim for half a kg (1 lb)a week??
I just don't know what to expect!!

I also had a look at how much I would need to lose to get to a healthy BMI

at the moment i'm 5ft and 124kg (273 lb) so my BMI is 55 (morbidly obese)
to get into the healthy range, I need to get down to 55kg (121 lb)
that means I would need to lose about 70kg (154 lb)
Thats a HUGE loss! So huge it doesnt even seem possible

eeeeep I really don't want to set myself up to fail
but I really like the sound of being under 60kg for once!!

HELP!!

The Parentals return

So my parents have been in Europe for 8 weeks and are coming back home tomorrow
My sister and I have had the house to ourselves and I actually really hated it!
We miss fresh, home made food. Although we have actually experimented quite a fair bit with our own recipes, nothing will ever compare to mamma's cooking!

The downside of their return is that the first thing she will most likely ask is "how much weight have you put on since we've been gone?"
They went away for 8 weeks 2 years ago and that's exactly what she did...and she could tell straight away that I had put on a few kgs
But this time I haven't!
Well I did the first few weeks because my sister and I pigged out a bit to celebrate our freedom
But last week I did a few days of Optifast and I lost 3kg so I'm back to where I started

But I'm also going to trick her into thinking I lost weight :P
A few weeks ago I bought a new pair of jeans as I was desperate for a new pair
and I fell in love with a perfect pair of dark city chic jeans
But I didn't realise that it was one size too big
and because I'm so short my sister had already hemmed them before I thought of returning them
So the first thing I'm going to do is show her how big my jeans have gotten :P

Sneaky sneaky! haha
I'll let you know how it goes!

Reminiscing and hoping I can do it

Hi lovely followers :)
I'm pretty sure most of you have or are getting the band so welcome and good luck!

Last night I found a disc with all the photos I saved from when I was at my lowest weight
When I was in my final year of high school, I joined a program called Sureslim and I lost 30kg...It was so easy but required so much willpower
Thinking back now, I actually have no idea how I managed to stick to it so well. It was small portions and absolutely no snacking!
It seems tough now, but it was a breeze for me back then. Probably because I was in school, had a good routine and I lived off everyones compliments

But then I finished school, I turned 18, I started to drink, I got confident and I lost friends.
At the time, I didn't see myself as "skinny". I still had really horrible body issues and although I seemed confident, I never once felt good enough. I continued to feel fat.

That put me in a really bad place. I fell into a terrible depression. Spent Christmas home alone in bed and didn't really want to leave the house. Then the weight started piling back on, leaving me back at square one with even more weight to lose.

So last night, I was shocked to find that I actually was skinny. My sister even went and put on the outfit I was wearing in one of the photos and I realised that back when I had lost the weight that I was the same size that my sister is now...and I have always been jealous of my sister's body.

It took me gaining 40+kg to realise that Oh crap all that hard work did pay off and I was actually fairly skinny! Wish I had realised that back then!!

So here are a few photos I took a few years back...at my lightest weight
I have never been skinny besides those few months
I still had big thighs...and probably always will. But looking back...I looked 100 times better then than I do now
so I'm hoping that I can get there again and make it last!


Me In Hawaii June 2009 =S


Me in 2006/2007

The truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.

Hello! Hi?

How do I begin?

Well here's a little bit about me:

I'm Alyce

Melbourne, Australia

21 yrs

Final year of Psychology degree

...and I'm fat!

Have been since I was a child

Have struggled with it since I was a child

Have been dieting since Primary School

Have finally reached my last resort!

This blog is going to be an outlet for me to document my experience with the Lap Band (an adjustable band that will be fitted around my stomach)

At 8am August 13 2010, I'll be in surgery

This will probably be the best and worst day of my life

Best, because it will give me hope that maybe one day I'll be able to be proud of myself and I may finally be happy with my body

Worst, because it will be the most drastic, scariest thing of my life

So I've been waiting for this day to come since mid-last year

Had to wait one full year for my insurance to kick in

but I've probably been waiting for this day for my whole life

This is the only option that has provided me with the most hope that I might be able to be healthy

Don't get me wrong, I've done just about every diet in the book and I succeeded once...losing 30+ kg. But as most people know, the hardest part is keeping it off...and that's something that I will never be able to do alone

So here I am...

dreading the 3 wk optifast pre-op diet

but excited about finally getting the surgery

and hoping that i'll finally be able to get the help that I need to do this